We’re so back. The 25/26 Premier League season is up and running, and even at this early stage, there’s already been significant early jostling in the marathon-not-a-sprint for the Golden Boot.

"Last night at 2:17 AM, every child from Mrs. Gandy's class woke up, got out of bed, went downstairs, opened the front door, walked into the dark ...and they never came back." ...